What is the most extreme thing you have ever done to loose weight?

I want to loose weight but I keep embarking on this "roler coaster" ride. I loose, gain, loose, gain, loose, gain, etc. I can't take it anymore. I started smoking again tonight in desperation and have even contemplated taking drugs to loose the weight. I just can't look in the mirror anymore. People treat you differently when your a fat pig. My husband won't touch me and my 6 month old is going to be so dissapointment in me when she grows up! I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!